Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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