We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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