it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
