So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
