i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
