i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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