i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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