you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
