i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize