didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
