You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
