At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
