i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
