Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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