woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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