I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
