ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
where are my eyebrows?
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