Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I believe in your delicious
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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