I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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