i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
