I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
