Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
