did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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