I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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