Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
