i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
