She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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