She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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