I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
