Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
