I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
NoShamevember. You game?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
