evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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