I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
