Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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