Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
