i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
