Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize