The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
