Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
