Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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