between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
