It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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