i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize
