Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
