So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
