I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
where am i from again
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
