The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
