maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize