i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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