I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize