bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
