I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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