I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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