so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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