I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
