There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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