i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
