How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
