Please, let me fuck your mom
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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